I feel it, the need to blog. I often feel bad about not keeping this up, but continue to ignore what's going on over here....yup nothing.
I don't even know where to start to get up to date - so I won't. I'm not even sure anyone is reading this any more but maybe it'll get my thoughts in order. What next? Where to? Why?
I'll soon be a full-time single mom. I got a taste of it for three months this summer, and it really didn't taste bad. I don't see that it'll change my life that much....making major decisions, check; feeding the majority of the time and clothing all the time, check; listening to the major life problems of a now 11 year old and 14 year old and sorting them out as unbiasedly (I know, not a word!!) as I can, check; dealing with the school....still....check. I'm actually looking forward to it, but also secretly hating their father for abandoning them for a girl half way around the world. Also secretly viewing those who say, "wow, isn't it great he found someone" as people who have serious issues with their parents and/or children. But hey, the kids will have more opportunity to buy hip clothes and go on weekend vacays! (His sell, certainly not mine).
I'm feeling more and more like I should be moving on, now that the opportunity is presenting itself. I can "live" here, but it's pretty hard to make a living. I'm weighing out the pros and cons of staying, and right at this moment the pros have a slight edge - the family and my mom (huge), pretty relatively safe place for the kids to grow up, their friends and connections, this beautiful and family-important house I live in by the water. But in order to stay I pretty much need to resign myself to the fact I'll never do more than squeak by in the same seasonal job I've been working for ten years, and I'm not sure that's enough now that the kids don't need me as much. Just being able to afford clothes for my constantly growing kids would be awesome! But hey, maybe the hip clothes allowance above will cover that - that's what child support is for right?
I've made several "man mistakes" - not going there. Some day I'm semi-sure I'll get it right.
So there we go - oh wait, nothing much has changed! Really *deep moment coming*, life just keeps on going on and we all keep dealing with it, right? Enjoying it most of the time (I hope), getting through the rough spots, hoping we make a difference for someone (probably while remembering someone who made a difference for us). Hoping the kids turn out all right while being pretty sure they're coming along that way.
My brain is full, time to fill my stomach with fudge ;)
3 comments:
Those are some pretty major decisions to make, but I am confident you will make the best choice for you and your family. After all, you already started with a very important one - blogging!
He is REALLY leaving his kids...wow...wtf is that hey? How do the kids feel about it? I would imagine there will be some fall out at some point in time...Men (don't mean to generalize but...) always seem to possess this sense of freedom - regardless of the love they feel for their kids they are not always bound by it. Sigh.
Big decisions alright...timing is everything with moving with kids...our move to Vic was a really rough ride...missed that family/friend support system more than I could ever have imagined. I am still not convinced it was the right decision but it is what it is...you'll do fine whatever you decide to do :) xo
Thanks guys, I appreciate the input after my long hiatus :)
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